i had a discussion with my dad the other day in the car(seems like im doing a lot of talking in cars these days. maybe ill start taking the bus more often). it was a pretty livid conversation, and it being way too early in the morning didnt help much. the gist of it was how he blamed my sister smoking... on me. you know, because i was an "influence" and how she used me as an excuse to smoke.
"why if han can smoke i cannot?"
two things wrong with this picture. have you spotted it yet?
firstly, my sister is 18 years old, nineteen this year. she is an ADULT. adults do what they deem is right, whether good or bad. children cannot because they are too young, too innocent. like sponges, they absorb the ideas and actions floating around them because they dont know any better. thus, if my sister was a child, my actions would inadvertently affect hers due to me being an older brother and she looking to her elders for guidance.
however, as an adult, she already knows that smoking is wrong. her choice to smoke is not in anyway linked to mine. if i murder someone, would she follow? clearly not, because she understands that doing so will land her a lengthy jail term. all adults know that every wrong they commit will have consequences. thus, she knows that smoking will harm her health. its her decision to make, not mine. she isnt following me, shes walking her own path.
secondly, i smoke and my parents accept it(sort of) since i promised them i will stop before i go uni AND ive been pulling my own weight around here. i havnt asked them for money and have been living on my own wages for the past couple of years. of course living costs such as utilities and food they continue to provide because im more or less an investment for their future. by taking care of my basic needs they ensure i grow up to support them in turn.
it was at this point that my father dropped a bombshell on me.
"are you aware that your mom has been putting 300 dollars in your bank account every month since you ended jc?"
my god!
the next night, over dinner, i asked her about it and she confirmed what he said was true.
...
...
i have no words to describe how momentous this was for me.
see, i prided myself on being able to survive through working at uob and then with the pay from ns. all this time, i thought i was growing more and more independent, learning to slowly be weaned off my parents to eventually survive on my own. as far as im concerned, as long as you are working and drawing in a salary, money from your parents should be considered charity and refused based on principle. my stand regarding the matter is very clear and very forceful.
thus, you can imagine my frustration and indignation at this revelation. i explained to my mom that i DO appreciate what she did, because she was looking out for me and wanted me to enjoy myself. but i was extremely angry because i was not, as i had believed for MORE THAN TWO YEARS, been relying on myself for things i needed. i felt cheated of something, ROBBED even. which is curious considering i was RECEIVING money. i had to do something to prove my worth.
coming to the realisation that in order to attain peace of mind, i had to return the full seven thousand five hundred dollars(jesus christ thats a huge sum) my mom gave me, i concocted a plan that will mean huge sacrifice on my part. the bottom line is that the europe trip is cancelled, i need to find a job very soon and all luxuries will be put on hold indefinitely. that means no clubbing, public transport everywhere i go and eating at home more often.
is this how i want to spend my precious time before entering uni? no, but im doing it for the RIGHT REASONS. and thats what counts in life.
terrible.
well, its getting late... time for bed my friends. wish me luck. ive got a long, long way to returning that money.
lau-
"a rude awakening is made even worse when the day ahead isnt looking too good."
