back to square one.

"apathy and disinterest. so i guess thats it then. after being blown off for the second consecutive week, its time to take a good hard look at where things stand now. and why they feel so familiar. but lets talk about that later.

how do you think it makes someone feel when you cannot spare an hour or two for him in two entire weeks? like shite, because im not a demanding guy. i can be perfectly happy just talking to you for an hour over a simple meal because that hour is one more hour of life i knew was well spent

how do you think it feels when you take ages to reply, up to two hours and sometimes not at all, when the thing is whenever im with you and i see you smsing or tweeting people its instant? insecure. youve told me before the more you care about a person the more dao you are, but theres a line between being dao and giving off the vibe that you couldnt give less of a fuck.

and how do you think it feels knowing that this has all happened before? defeated, and wondering why i bother.

because, you know you have fun when you are with me. i make you smile, we talk about everything under the sun and i know so much about you and your personality. and the more i find the more i like.

so why is there this repeating phase when, we get close to the point where we get comfortable with each other again and we start being more honest and moving away personal barriers that we put up, and then you disappear?

like before you left

or when i came back

but the thing is i meant what i said before. you are you, and i honestly would not have it any other way, because its a component of who you are, affecting every other response and reaction you give. if you were different in this aspect, it would mean some parts if not all of the rest of you would be changed as well. which is not what i want.

but i would like you to know something, and that is the thing i look for in all the people dearest to me... i have found it in you. and to my pleasant surprise, you have something no one else has... knowing that i am full of crap, and that you see through all of it to this guy who just likes spending time with you. so perhaps thats why i react the way i do to you, and why your actions have such an effect on me.

so im not asking you to change. im just telling you, this is the way you make me feel, and sometimes it frustrates me to no end. but in the end, i know when i do get to see you, even a fleeting glimpse, its enough to reassure me that this is something i should be doing, because there is only one of you in the world, and i am nothing if not wise enough to understand some things are just worth it.

so i may not even get to have this conversation with you. god fucking knows when i will see you the next time, because thats just the way its been over the past year hasnt it? but yes if i do see you again.. which the earliest is probably a MONTH from now, ill at least know what to say. so its out of my system. and until that next time(if it happens)

goodbye, again
farewell, like the times before
and remember me, if you ever miss whatever it is you see in me